Delivrez-moi de mes emotions et rendez-moi mon cerveau
‘I am shutting all emotion down, this emotional stuff is not good for you’ is something I frequently hear. Here the bad emotions disappear just as much as the good ones, leaving my clients numb and empty.
‘I just want advice. I am not very successful at controlling my emotions anymore, since X happened.’
I also hear: ‘I live my life from the heart’ also meaning being aimlessly and permanently caught in emotional turmoil.
I remember being in the middle of a big life change, my divorce, and being caught in what felt like a storm of emotions, hope, grief, shame. It did affect everything: my ability to work, my emotional availability to my children and friends. It felt like my whole headspace had been taken over. I just couldn’t think clearly.
Over time, I have noticed that if the big balloon of emotions is not deflated it impacts the way we think.
Maybe you have noticed that taking a decision when you are feeling very angry looks a lot different to taking a decision when you are calm.
A rash angry decision is often dreadful, taken on impulse and regretted later.
Feeling sad can be blinding too, leading us to find comfort where it is not safe to do so; for example, confiding in a gossiping ‘friend’ who will be happy to release the crunchy details they have gathered later.
Any emotions we feel potentially change the way we think.
When we are going through a relationship breakup, a loss of someone close, or even a job change, a birth, a house move, a critical illness diagnosis, it is hard to not be fully absorbed in it.
So you must be wondering where I am heading.
Are emotions good or bad?
Here is the answer: Emotions are neither. Emotions just are.
Denying them does not work. Emotions will show up one way or another, sometimes uninvited. Something as little as a piece of music, a smell, a particular touch can wake a memory up.
Making them rule you takes you through an endless whirlwind.
Suppress them, and you suppress your ability to feel and enjoy life.
So what can you do about them?
Once you acknowledge them;
Once you name them;
Once you welcome them as part of yourself;
Once you find a way to safely let them out, this is when the magic happens. You deflate the big balloon.
Suddenly there is perspective, clarity. The view opens onto new paths we couldn’t have imagined. When you have acknowledged the emotional part of you; the role it is playing, then you can access the full rational thinking capability of your brain.
And if you think you are pure rationality, there is also that unconscious part of us that plays a part too. This is why releasing, naming and acknowledging emotions is a big part of the work I do with my clients in counselling and coaching.
And you know what?
Deflating the big balloon brings tremendous relief too.
If this post resonated with you, and you would like to explore your emotions with me, get in touch to find out how I can help, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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